JUST GET OUT
Ever since Calvin started walking, our apartment has been feeling very, very (very) small. Don't get me wrong, I love our place, but because of the layout we are pretty much confined to the living room. Luckily it's a nice space, but I just wish there was more to it. I'm not trying to complain, because we really do love our place, we're just ready for more space. Since I still can't drive unaccompanied yet (October please come faster), Calvin and I have pretty much been stuck in this space day after day. We had an extreme heat wave, and thunderstorms for almost 2 weeks straight so I was going just a little bit out of my mind. We do have fun just the two of us listening to music, reading books and playing games, and I still love being home with him full time, I just hate the feeling that I'm not really trying to do anything different.
Lately I've been thinking of the quote "We must be in the world but not of the world". It's been going through my mind constantly. As much as it is important for me to create a shelter and sanctuary in our home from the world, I still need to make an added effort to be in the world. I want to be more involved in my community. I want to work on my friendships with fellow members of the church, as well as reconnect with my school friends. I want to create new friendships and connections with my neighbours. There are so many times when I plan on making plans, but they're just that: plans. They never become actual dates. They just kind of hang in the air waiting to become commitments, and then slowly fade away from my mind. I have the best intentions, I just don't seem to commit to things recently.
So for the past week and a half Calvin and I have been going out for at least 2 hours everyday. I know it's just a small step, but I really want to just get out more. I have had social anxiety for years so meeting new people is always a hard task for me. Recently I've noticed how much Calvin thrives on social interaction. He loves people watching and trying to get other's attention. So I decided to do something that is out of my comfort zone, and that is participate in a toddler reading/playgroup at our local library. It may not sound like a big deal to you, but to me it is. I've always been a homebody, but I've realized that for my children, I need to be more in the world. After all I want them to be able to feel confident in this world. And maybe, just maybe, in the process I will become more confident myself.