12.9.16

JUST GET OUT

 I just realized how completely misleading the post title is. Don't worry it's not a rude rant kind of post. I just couldn't come up with a title that summed the post up well enough. So you'll have to deal with the unintentionally rude title, and read on to understand what I'm trying to get at.

Ever since Calvin started walking, our apartment has been feeling very, very (very) small. Don't get me wrong, I love our place, but because of the layout we are pretty much confined to the living room. Luckily it's a nice space, but I just wish there was more to it. I'm not trying to complain, because we really do love our place, we're just ready for more space. Since I still can't drive unaccompanied yet (October please come faster), Calvin and I have pretty much been stuck in this space day after day. We had an extreme heat wave, and thunderstorms for almost 2 weeks straight so I was going just a little bit out of my mind. We do have fun just the two of us listening to music, reading books and playing games, and I still love being home with him full time, I just hate the feeling that I'm not really trying to do anything different.

Lately I've been thinking of the quote "We must be in the world but not of the world". It's been going through my mind constantly. As much as it is important for me to create a shelter and sanctuary in our home from the world, I still need to make an added effort to be in the world. I want to be more involved in my community. I want to work on my friendships with fellow members of the church, as well as reconnect with my school friends. I want to create new friendships and connections with my neighbours. There are so many times when I plan on making plans, but they're just that: plans. They never become actual dates. They just kind of hang in the air waiting to become commitments, and then slowly fade away from my mind. I have the best intentions, I just don't seem to commit to things recently.

So for the past week and a half Calvin and I have been going out for at least 2 hours everyday. I know it's just a small step, but I really want to just get out more. I have had social anxiety for years so meeting new people is always a hard task for me. Recently I've noticed how much Calvin thrives on social interaction. He loves people watching and trying to get other's attention. So I decided to do something that is out of my comfort zone, and that is participate in a toddler reading/playgroup at our local library. It may not sound like a big deal to you, but to me it is. I've always been a homebody, but I've realized that for my children, I need to be more in the world. After all I want them to be able to feel confident in this world. And maybe, just maybe, in the process I will become more confident myself.
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3 comments

  1. Getting out is hard/annoying some days, but I'm always grateful when we do it! Our ward has a playgroup that meets once a week, and seriously we both look forward to, I think! It's so nice to surround yourself with other moms that have similar problems or experiences.
    This post was a good reminder for me to actually EXECUTE my plans with friends!

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  2. I love that picture of you and the editing style of all your pictures! So pretty. I don't have kids and even I have to force myself to leave the house, even if it is just for a walk. I actually write for a learning disability blog and i'm doing a series on the ear right now, and the ear controls 80% of the energy in your body. Your ear gets energy from, guess what, movement! The movement creates vibrations in your ear and it sends it to the brain as energy. Anyway that was a weird tangent but the point is, yes!

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  3. I relate to this on soooo many levels! we often find ourselves stuck in the living room too! we are renting as well and its so easy to feel "comfortable" so to speak. I feel so comfortable in my home I often found when i did get out i would get this rush of anxiety! I never use to be that way so i too have made a point to walk and get outside for a little bit through out the day so i don't feel stir crazy!! haha too bad we don't live closer!

    xx

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