27.4.16

THE CLOSET PURGE

For weeks I have been planning on going through my closet. I had boxes and hangers full of clothes that were all from my pre-pregnancy days. It was such a horrible feeling opening my closet everyday and seeing clothes that I love and am still nowhere fitting back into. It was a daily reminder of the changes that have taken place with my body and the weight I've gained. 

On Monday I finally decide to go through the endless piles of clothes. I was doing really well until I opened my skirt drawer. I immediately started to cry and it quickly turned into an emotional breakdown. After a few minutes I went into the living and sobbed in Alex's arms. The past 2 months I had been doing so well with loving my body and not having negative thoughts towards myself. But for some reason going through the clothes complete did me in. 

I felt so materialistic, shallow and vain. I told Alex that I knew I had a pretty face, and how awful I felt for thinking that. But for some reason I felt like my face and my body don't match. I think that when people look at Alex and I they think to themselves: "Poor guy. How did such a good looking, fit guy end up with a whale?!" I have never felt uncomfortable around Alex and I am so grateful for that. I know that he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what, and in his eyes I'm more beautiful now than I was when we first met (even though I am 50 pounds heavier). The thing that has been hard for me is that I don't like how I feel about myself. I hate feeling this way.

After spilling all these thoughts and more on Alex he quietly said: "If these clothes are bothering you so much, don't even look at them, just put them in a bag and get rid of them." It was such a relief to hear those words. I originally planned on keeping quite a bit as a "just in case I loose the weight" kind of thing. I didn't want to have to spend money on a new wardrobe if I ended up going back to my previous size. He continued by saying that if I did loose weight we can get me new things, that I shouldn't hang on to things that are making me miserable just to save money.
It has been 2 days since I let go of 4 full garbage bags of clothes, and feel as if a weight has literally been lifted from my shoulders. It was hard to part with certain pieces, especially since a lot of them carry a lot of memories for Alex and I. But at the end of the day I shouldn't rely on an item for my memories, and they shouldn't be the source of sadness. I want to be surrounded by things that make me happy. Besides they're just "things" anyway. It's amazing how something that made me so upset has now made me feel lighter and happier. Thank goodness I have a husband who understands and loves me completely.

9 comments

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Kelsibug!!! I'm still surprised I had the gut to do it ;)

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  2. You are a wise soul! And thank goodness for good husbands! Leonard is my #1 cheerleader too and it is such a blessing to have a good man by my side.

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    1. Thanks Jen! Seriously husbands are the best!!

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  3. my little girl is eight months old and every time I get dressed it's still hard to recognize the body in the mirror. I love this post so much because I've been thinking about doing the exact same thing. thanks for the courage!

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    1. Thanks Megan! I definitely didn't feel brave when I was doing it that's for sure! But I am so glad I did! You should do it too!!! It's such a great feeling once it is done!! :)

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  4. giiirrrl! you are gorgeous! & what a sweet hubby you have!

    xoxo

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  5. Proud of you! You should not have anything in your house that you do not believe to be useful or beautiful (William Morris). It's all just stuff at the end of the day, and if it makes you miserable, whatever it is - let it go! Clothes do not make you beautiful - that comes from within. If I'm ever in earshot of you calling yourself a whale, I will fong you until your entrails become your extrails....pain, lots of pain!!! xxx

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  6. Yeah! You don't need those stupid clothes bringing you down!! They're replaceable. They're disposable. This post reminds me a lot of The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. The first step is to purge your closet of all clothes that do not bring you joy. And you did it! It feels so much better, right?? I got rid of most of my pre-pregnancy clothes while I was pregnant because I knew that I would have held on to them FOREVER after the baby. I don't miss them one bit.

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