4.11.15

UNSOLICITED ADVICE + ECZEMA

When I was pregnant (especially when I was overdue), I was constantly receiving unsolicited advice. It's something that I have never reacted well to, no matter how good someone's intentions are. I knew that once Calvin was born, it was going to be even more common for people to bombard me with products and things that has worked for them. While I do appreciate the tips and tricks I get from moms when I ask for it, I still have a very hard time to no react when people start preaching about their mothering techniques when I never asked for help. I understand that these women aren't trying to cause drama, but it really rubs me the wrong way.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Calvin has been struggling with eczema since he was a newborn. It started as baby acne, then became extremely dry skin, and now it just flares up on his cheeks and chest. I don't know what it is about babies, but everyone feels they're entitled to point out his eczema or start asking me questions about it. I do love when mom's mention they had the same struggles with their children, but I don't like when I get questioned about my method of dealing with this experience.

So I thought I would share a few examples of comments or questions that have been directed toward me that I hear on a regular basis from many different moms.

**Disclaimer: This post is not directed at one particular person or situation, it's something that has been happening since Calvin's birth**

1. "Oh, is that eczema?"
First off, why is it ok for people to comment about baby's skin but not adults. How would you feel if you struggled with acne and someone came up to you and said: "Oh I see you have pimples all over your face." Not the nicest thing to hear eh?

2. "What type of cream are you using?"
I don't understand why this is such an important thing for people to know. I had an elderly lady in our ward ask me this once and I replied saying we were using a prescription cream from the doctor because his face had gotten a little infection. She then asked if it had a cortisone base and I said it did. You would have thought that I had given a drink that I had spat in. She was so offended and looked so concerned. I had to remove myself from the situation because I was so mad. We are now using a different cream, but still keep the prescription for when he has really severe patches.

3. "All eczema is caused by food allergies."
I am a firm believer of trusting your gut when it comes to being a parent. Alex and I have spent many nights discussing ways to help Calvin, and we both feel it isn't a food allergy. He has no other symptoms, he skin just gets easily irritated. So when people say "It's now been proven that eczema is an allergy to dairy or eggs." I understand that allergies are becoming more and more common with babies, but I don't feel that he has one. He has no other symptoms, and isn't even bothered by his eczema. It doesn't make him uncomfortable in any way.

4. "Have you tried ____?"
This comment usually hurts me the most. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough as a mother. That I am selfish because I won't try the elimination diet. That I am close minded because I won't do things that work for other mom's and their situation. We have found a routine/products that work us. We know that eczema is something you can't cure, but luckily we've found a product that has helped soothe and heal his current flare up.

So if you get anything from this post, please don't give me advice unless I ask for it. I understand you mean well, but most of the time it has the opposite affect on me. Every single child is different. Every single mother is different. Every single situation is different. At the end of the day we're sticking to what feels right for us.

2 comments

  1. Boy, do I hear ya about unwanted advice.
    This happened to me last week about Gwen's bedtime routine/my parenting choices regarding bedtime. And the worst part was that it came from someone WHO ISN'T EVEN A PARENT. I wanted to cry, but I was more angry than sad, haha. The person apologized, so thank goodness for that, at least.
    You're a good mom :) You're a rockstar

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  2. Okay, so people are curious because they obviously want to help you. Are you LDS? I hope you learn to not take offense as you do. People who ask, obviously CARE. People who care want to help. If you let go of your pride, you might be thankful for information that could be very useful someday. I feel horribly sorry you struggle with the pride you do.

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