12.12.13

A REALIZATION

I have come to a realization.
One that has been quite a shock for me.
I am self conscious.
It is very common, especially for women, but I have never realized it until a couple months ago.

Here's the story.
Two years ago I lost weight, quite a lot of weight actually.
I never felt fat or uncomfortable in my own skin, even when I was bigger.
But when Alex and I got married, we started to eat pizza, candy, and waffles.
Not everyday, but more often than I was used to.
And I started to gain weight.
Not a lot, just a little.
My clothes started to feel tight, and when I looked in the mirror I saw a girl who was bigger than I was before I lost the weight.
And that scared me.
I wanted to get back on track, so we bought a scale.
Turned out I only gained 10 pounds, but to me it felt like I gained back every pound I worked so hard to loose.

Thankfully I have the most incredible husband, who never made me feel ugly or fat when I was with him.
But as soon as I walked by a mirror I saw something different than he did.
I was tired of feeling this way.
So I made a decision.
Something needed to change.

Instead of saying yes to my coworkers when they offered a sweet, I would say no.
Instead of going on my laptop, I would work out as soon as I got home.
Instead of focusing on things that I hate about my body, I would focus on the things I love.
Instead of letting discouraging thoughts come into my mind, I would remember who I am:
A daughter of God.

It's only been a week and half since I made this commitment and I already see a change.
Yes I lost 7 pounds already, but that isn't what's changed.
I feel stronger, and most importantly, happier.
Our bodies are a beautiful gift, and we need to remember that.
I feel like I needed these few months of bad feelings to fully understand that concept.
My body is a gift.
And it is beautiful.
I am beautiful.

3 comments

  1. you are so inspiring. i'm not sure how much weight i have gained (ryan threw away our scale) but i definitely need to take a lesson from you. I dont like the way i feel or look. i find it hard to get motivated, but maybe just maybe your words are enough. you go girl!

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  2. Such an important lesson. My weight fluctuates all the time and therefore so does my self esteem but, like you said, my body is a gift, a gift from God. I need to respect that and be thankful but also treat it with care and love.

    Thanks for sharing! and yes, you are beautiful!

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  3. This is just what I needed to hear today. You're such an inspiration!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

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