28.9.13

Chapter 775

It's 2:30pm, and I am still in bed.
This morning a friend from church gave me a reason to drag myself out of bed and took me to Perkins for breakfast.
I needed it.
A lot.

Thing is I have been in the same ward my whole life.
I never thought the transition from being Rebekah Wagner, to being Rebekah Baronins would be so tough.
But it has been in my home ward.
I feel like I haven't found my place at church.
Which is weird, since I have been going to the same ward my whole life. 
There is no other newlywed couple in ward.
Every single couple is either pregnant, or has kids.
We're at different stages of our lives, and seems to make Alex and I distant. 
Thankfully I have a strong testimony, and an incredible calling.

On top of all of this, I had a horrible day yesterday.
Having conflict with family is never fun.
Especially when you are hurt by one family member, and angry at another.
The argument was about something stupid, but it brought everything to the surface that I have been feeling for almost 3 years now.
I hung up the phone with so much anger.
And it scared me.
I have never been this angry at someone before. 
After talking to my mom about it this morning I felt a bit better, then a few minutes later felt awful again.
I was sobbing so much.
Too much.
So I said a quiet prayer, and I was at peace.
I'm still not 100% healed, or ready to apologize and forgive, but I know I will be.
I can't do it alone.
But that's why I have a Saviour.
To help me. 
It's one thing to feel out of place at church, but no one should every feel out of place in their own family.
Thank goodness I have a mother who lets me talk it out, and husband who cuddles me to sleep as I bawl my eyes out.

So I feel that it's completely ok for me to still be in bed.
But I am determined to get out of bed and make myself pretty.
Alex and I are celebrating the anniversary of our first date tonight, and I refuse to be a sour puss. 

Something that helps me calm down: The Cellar Door

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