27.1.12

Chapter 207

This is probably going to end up being a major rambling on, but I feel I need to just get this out there, and write it down! So the past few months I have gone on a few dates, and been interested, but by the end, the boys felt we were better as friends. There were tears, a couple, but no crazy heart break. So when it happened again I was frustrated, but I wasn't hurt. The more I thought, and the more I prayed, I realized something, it didn't hurt because I was mixing up a true, deep connection with flirting and flighty feelings. I fell in love back in May, and I thought I was over this, but it turns out I'm not. I did, and still do love this boy. I was hurt, extremely hurt, but after months of being bitter, and trying to push away these feelings, I've decided it's best to just accept it. 

It was weird, I just woke up one morning smiling, like CRAZY smiling, like smiling the way I did when we were dating. Just thinking about the look, the look I haven't seen him give me since April. I'm pretty sure he saw my reaction, I was pretty much dumbfounded, in a good way. Now, I am not getting my hopes up, all I know is he is meant to be in my life. Whether it be just friends or more, I am willing to bridge the horrific gap between us. I am done being bitter, I am done being rude, I am done ignoring him, and I am done ignoring these feelings.  I know this sounds super cheesy, and super typical but I feel that I was better when I was with him. A better person, a better friend, a better me. And I was lost for a few months, but I am ready to be better again, not necessarily for him, but for me. In some way or another his role in my life is not over, I'm not sure what role he will have to play, but I know I need to at least give him the chance. 

Songs have the biggest impact on my life, so when I heard this song, after not hearing it for a long time, I was just speechless. I'm ready. I'm ready to accept him again.



Beks

2 comments

  1. Hey there Bekah! Glad to read your blog! I'm a new follower and can't wait to read more.

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